


It is a lovely day in the High Wilderness, and you are a horrible goose.

by MacBudgie



Category: Sunless Skies, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, listen. I thought it seemed funny, sunless skies/untitled goose game crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 07:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21406351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacBudgie/pseuds/MacBudgie
Summary: A Sunless Skies/Untitled Goose Game crossover, where the goose wreaks havoc on a ship and its crew.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

The goose had been in London for a few weeks, now.  
And that was the unusual thing- it was a goose. White feathers, yellow beak, one pair of eyes, wings, and feet. No weird tentacles, extra eyes, or egg sacs.  
The residents of London were used to eldritch abominations and tentacled horrors, creatures born of nightmares (or creatures nightmares were born of). They were not used to geese.  
It didn’t even kill people. It just…stole stuff, created temporary annoyances, bruises that were healed by the next day.  
So the goose was getting bored. It’s no fun trying to annoy people who encounter horrors beyond imagination every day, they just can’t work up the energy to be annoyed at someone tying their shoelaces together.  
And so it happened that on one particularly promising day, the captain of a rather nice-looking train left the cargo bay door open at just the wrong time, and the goose decided that it was time for a change of scenery.


	2. Objective: give Altan a new outfit

The goose started off small, as it always did when it arrived in a new place. One has to familiarise oneself with the possibilities, after all.  
And after a few days of stealing lunches and glasses, and the occasional pen, it was ready for some real fun.  
There was a corpse in the room of one of the officers, a young man who laughed at some of the pranks the goose pulled. It was very well preserved, and it had taken a few honks for it to realise that it really was dead.  
Normally, the goose would be fine with that- the corpse was one of the few people on the ship who wouldn’t shoo the goose away- but there was one problem.  
The corpse’s outfit was horrendously ugly.  
  
First, something was needed to cover up that suit.  
The goose waddled into the kitchen slowly, cautiously. The quartermaster was an older lady who’d grown up in Britain on the surface, before the fall, and knew what a goose was. She had no qualms about kicking it. And possibly cooking it.  
She was mixing something in a large bowl, humming tunelessly to herself, and only noticed the goose sneaking up behind her when it was too late, and had untied her apron strings.  
She frowned at it, setting her spoon down for a moment, only for the goose to jump on the counter and steal it.  
It hopped down, and she chased after it, but after a moment the bird disappeared, leaving only the spoon on the floor.  
She frowned, reaching down for it, and as she did…  
Honk.  
She fell forward, startled, and in that instant the goose ran forward, grabbing the apron at the back of her neck, pulling it forward and off her.  
It looked at her for a moment, rather smugly, then ran off down the corridor, the apron trailing behind like a victory banner.  
  
Now, a hat. Because what was a good outfit without a nice hat?  
Not that the goose knew anything about fashion.  
But there was only one hat on this ship that would suffice, and that was of course the captain’s.  
He wore it the majority of the time, only taking it off to sleep at night- the goose could steal it then, possibly, but a heist wouldn’t be as fun as stealing it right out of his hand or even off his head.  
The crew- captain included- were on the bridge, doing whatever it was they did there. The captain sat in the centre of the room, in a big old chair. The driver- who was no fun, cause they were so quiet and never seemed to react whenever the goose did anything to them- sat a little off-centre, at a big wooden wheel surrounded by various buttons and levers. The navigator stood to the side of the captain, holding the map, and the signaller sitting to the other side at a desk, clutching a huge book. Two speaking tubes hung from the ceiling near the captain, one connected to the engine room and the other to the gunner’s station.  
It was by these the goose now stood. The ceiling was littered with wires and exposed beams, and it hadn’t been hard to get up there. The problem, then, was lowering themselves down without being spotted.  
“Ship ahead,” said the captain. “I don’t recognise the signals. Signaller?”  
The signaller began flipping through their book, which promptly fell into two pieces.  
“Sir! The book’s been ripped apart!”  
“What?”  
“It looks like it’s been….bitten!”  
The captain sighed.  
“Damn goose. We’ll sew it back up later. But I need that report.”  
“I’ll go help,” said the navigator.  
As he began helping the worried signaller flick through it, the goose lowered itself slowly down the ‘guns’ tube.  
“I- I think it’s a guest ship, sir!”  
The captain cursed, and grabbed at the ‘guns’ tube, which sent the goose wobbling until it jumped over to the ‘engine’ tube.  
“Cinders? Fire on that ship.”  
There were squeaking noises from the tube, and the goose leaned forward, and lifted the hat slowly off the captain’s head.  
And to the explosions of a firefight, the goose hopped down and made its way down the hallway.  
“Where has that damn goose put it?”  
“I don’t know sir,” said the signaller. “But one of the stokers said she saw it near the cabins.”  
“It better not be in mine,” sniffed the princess.  
“Can’t you charm birds though?” asked the Navigator.  
She sniffed again. “Sparrows. Not stupid waterfowl.”  
“There it is!”  
They chased after it, down into the officer quarters. Only one of the doors was open, and they could just see it going into it.  
“Slowly now,” whispered the captain. “We should have it cornered, so we can grab it.”  
They surrounded the door, and peaked in.  
The goose stood on Altan’s shoulder. He was wearing the apron, wonkily, and the hat had been placed on his head.  
The goose honked.  
The Navigator nodded. “Good job.”  
The goose honked again, and ran full pelt into the air vent.  
“Damn. I thought we sealed those up after the Dilly incident.”  
“Well, it is a particularly industrious goose.”


	3. Objective: torment the Incognito Princess

The princess had tried to kick the goose the other day, in a fit of particularly un-princess-like-but-terribly-vicious behaviour.  
So it was, of course, time to get some revenge.  
  
The cabins were not hard to get into. There were grills on the vents, but they weren’t very secure and could be easily wriggled loose. It was far too easy for the goose to do so during the night, set up a few things, then hide in her room.  
She woke up quite late, compared to the other crewmembers (not that there was much feeling of time in the unchanging depths of space, despite the schedule the Aunt tried to impose), and it took her a little while to clamber out of her massive 4-poster bed, she was weighed down by so many blankets and pillows.  
And as soon as she did, she fell over.  
This was likely due to the rolling pin that had been placed on the ground underfoot.  
She got up surprisingly quickly, for someone who had just gotten up and was wearing a long dress. She looked around, but the goose was nowhere in sight.  
So she opened her closet, which was filled with exquisite ballgowns. She had the presence of mind to look over the one she took out, in case there was something inside it, but there was nothing. So she put it on- which in itself took a while- and sat down for her daily hair and makeup routine.  
She picked up her first brush without looking.  
It wasn’t a brush. It was a carrot.  
In fact, all of the items on her dresser, her combs and brushes and makeup, had been replaced by various limp vegetables.  
The princess swept them off the table, and brought out her second set.  
She put on her makeup cautiously, with great delicacy and care. It was going well, until, as she did her lips, a honk sounded.  
She jumped, the lipstick drawing a line across her chin.  
She scowled, looking around the room, but the goose was nowhere to be seen, and after a short time she cleaned up, then continued.  
The princess managed to make it all the way through this time, and by the time she’d finished doing her hair she’d almost forgotten about the goose.  
She proceeded to the tiara rack, and took a moment to ponder which to wear today.  
Then she saw it.  
The center jewel of each tiara had been prised out. Not carefully or professionally, but leaving the metal bent out of shape, as though it had been done by a beak.  
Surprised, and a little impressed, she selected the only undamaged one- a simple one, of metal with tiny diamonds the goose had been unable to prise out.  
Honk!  
She dropped the tiara in surprise, and the goose snatched it off the ground, disappearing into the air vent. After a moment it poked its head out, the tiara around its neck. It honked again, a smug look on its face.  
The princess let out a particularly dainty ‘hmpf’, and opened the door to leave her room, which let the bucket which had been balancing on it fall squarely on her head.  
  
“The goose has to go!” said the princess. “It is most undignified to have such a vile creature aboard!”  
“Well, you’re welcome to catch it,” said the captain, tired.  
“Oh, it’s not too bad,” said the Navigator.  
“For you, maybe. It seems to like you.”  
He shrugged. “Well, that’s probably because I don’t kick it.”  
“The insubordinate creature deserves far-”  
“Alright, alright,” said the captain. “Listen. We have fought a lot of shit out there. And ran away from a lot more. For once, I’m glad to encounter some wildlife that isn’t bigger than the ship and trying to kill us. Besides, the crew seem to enjoy its antics. It’ll provide good terror relief when we go to Eleutheria.”  
“…Fine. But if I catch that goose, it’s dead.”


	4. Objective: redecorate

The goose had found a little home for itself, a space at a junction of vents, not the biggest, but comfortable enough.  
Actually, no. Not comfortable enough. The metal was cold and hard, not great for sleeping on, and its stolen possessions- the tiara, some candles, a hat- were just sitting in a pile, unarranged.  
  
Something to sleep on was most important.  
The princess had plenty of massive dresses that would suit, but the outer fabric was always scratchy, and similar went for the clothes of most of the other crew members.  
The goose could have stolen the princess’s bed sheets, but they were far too big and bulky. And it’d already tormented her enough- it was better to spread the hatred around. Far better to steal the captain’s, then.  
Sadly, the captain left his cabin door locked, and had nailed down the vent gate so well the goose hadn’t been able to open it yet.  
That left the goose with only a small window of opportunity.  
It was early morning, and the captain had only just gotten up. As he left his cabin, he saw the goose.  
It was standing a little way away, watching him, its head tilted at an angle which suggested some level of interest on the bird’s part.  
The captain pulled out his key, about to unlock the door, but as he did the goose picked up the item sitting next to it, which he hadn’t seen.  
It was a container of dog treats.  
The goose rattled it, then did its best to throw the container towards the captain.  
It dodged out of the way as the Inadvisably Large Dog came careening down the hallway, having heard the rattle. The captain, on the other hand, did not manage to dodge out of the way, and was bowled over.  
He was still lying on the ground, the dog sitting on his chest, as the goose left the room with his warmest blanket clamped between its beak.  
  
Next, the goose’s hidey hole needed some light.  
Candles, it felt, would be the most appropriate, but the goose hadn’t yet mastered matches. Similarly, an oil lamp would need refilling and relighting every so often.  
Therefore, there was only one suitable lighting arrangement. Electricity.  
And it just so happened that they were stationed at possibly the only place in the known high wilderness that used it.  
“Alright,” said the captain, his crew arranged in front of him. “It’s been a while since we were here, so feel free to have some fun in the Empyrean while you’re off shift. I have some business to attend to here, so we’ll leave early tomorrow.”  
The crew nodded, and scattered, including the goose.  
Getting past the visa checkpoint wasn’t too hard. It waited until a woman with a particularly large skirt came past, and hid underneath it, then ran out as soon as they were past the guards.  
The goose looked around in appreciation. Electric lights in bright colours -green, blue, yellow- hung from wires strung across the streets, or were arranged in patterns on the walls and even some floors. They were perfect.  
“Commemorative electric moons,” cried a stall owner, “get your electric moons here! Enough batteries to last for a month!”  
The goose waddled over.  
The stall owner blinked at it.  
“You’re a goose,” she said, rather stating the obvious.  
Then she narrowed her eyes.  
“You won’t have any money. Go away.”  
The goose tried to snatch one off the stall, but she shooed it away.  
“Yes, I’d like to buy an electric moon,” said a man, stepping up.  
“Haha, very funny,” said the stall owner. “You know Londoners aren’t allowed to- hey!”  
The goose had grabbed one of the moons, one right near the edge, and was now running down the street with it.  
It had to wait a while for a person with a sufficiently large skirt to come past, but that was very much worth it when it brought it back onto the ship and turned it on, then settled down into its new bed.  
That was much better.


End file.
